So how do you plan something as complex as a relationship? There are two people involved, remember - and you have no idea what this other person is going to do or become later on down the road. You can’t plan that... right?
Actually, planning a relationship is a lot like planning a career. You’re going to fail miserably if you try to plan out and micromanager every individual little detail... both relationships and careers have ways of throwing you curve balls that you had no way of expecting and that take you far afield from where you intended to be or go.
The way you plan for it, then, is by reserving your planning for a few key areas:
Commitment and Focus. You need to be able to both commit yourself and focus on a particular job or a particular girl wholeheartedly, while at the same time keeping your options open enough so you won’t end up crushed if you get laid off or broken up with. The issue of "trading up" comes into play here; I’m a big believer in getting a job at your dream company ASAP, and dating your dream girl ASAP, and not settling for less, although this isn’t always 100% realistic. We’ll talk about this below.
Discipline. Running a relationship properly, especially in the beginning, is a lot of work, and you’ll frequently be facing opportunities where your emotions want you to do one thing while your mind thinks you ought to do something else. Kind of like when you wake up in the morning and you’ve got to go to work, but what you’d REALLY like to do is call your boss and tell him you quit, thanks for the opportunity, but you need to get caught up on sleep. If you can’t overcome your emotions and discipline yourself to do what you’ve planned to do (go to work; not become a wild texting fool sending his new girlfriend heart <3 icons and cat photos),you’re going to suffer for it in the not-so-distant future (when the money stops coming in or the girlfriend runs out).
A Finish Line. What’s your end goal? You’d be amazed how many people absolutely CANNOT answer this about their careers, relationships, or anything else important. They just go, try stuff, have no idea where they want things to go or how they should end, and hope that everything works out okay. That’s kind of like playing a sports match or a video game or a game of chess not to win, but to "see how it goes," or like getting on an airplane without knowing what you’re going to do when you get wherever it is you’re going. Romantic? Yes, sure. Adventurous? Absolutely. Successful long-term strategy? Only if you’re very, very lucky, and most people are not very, very lucky. You need to know where you’re going if you ever hope to get there.
That doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy your relationships, of course. You certainly can.
All it means is that if you want a healthy relationship that goes the way you’d really love it to, you’re going to need to do a little more than just follow your heart and trust in destiny.
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