Kutuzuza inshingano z’urugo, intandaro y’ihohoterwa rikorerwa abagabo

Kuzuza inshingano z’umugabo ni ihame rishingiye ku itegeko n’umuco nyarwanda. Nta muntu witabiriye umuhango w’ishyingirwa utarigeze yumva umuyobozi usezeranya atagarutse ku nshingano z’umugabo. Muri zo harimo kwita ku mugore n’abagize umuryango, abashakira ibibatunga, kubavuza mu gihe barwaye, kororoka n’ibindi.

Si ibyo gusa kuko no mu muco nyarwanda ari uko bimeze , kuko umugabo wese wihagazeho agomba kumenya no kwita ku muryango we uko bikwiye. Iyo izo nshingano umugabo atazujuje neza, ashobora guhanwa n’amategeko, agasuzugurwa mu bandi kandi ntiyubahwe. Ibyo ariko bisaba umugabo kuba yifite n’iyo byaba bidahambaye ariko akagerageza uko ashoboye muri bike abona, umuryango we ukabigenderaho.

N’ubwo ku itegeko n’umuco, na Bibiliya ( ku bayemera) ibigaruka mu gitabo cy’Itangiriro aho ivuga ko umugabo ari umutwe w’urugo. Uyu mutwe Imana iwuvugaho ko azabona umugati we ari uko yiyushye icyuya ( kugira ngo yitunge atunge n’abe). Umugore na we ngo kwifuza kwe kugahora ku mugabo ( kugira ngo amuhe ibyo akenera byose).

Usomye ayo magambo ukongeraho n’ibyo itegeko n’umuco bivuga, byose bikugaragariza neza inshingano z’umugabo ku rugo rwe. Ibyo unyuramo muri kino gihe cy’icyorezo ntibitanga icyizere ko nigikomeza, abagabo koko bazashobora kuzuza izo nshingano zivuzwe haruguru. Yemwe hari n’aho byamaze kugaragara ko hari abagabo byananiye, ubu barebwa ay’ingwe babazwa igituma batacyuzuza inshingano zabo.

Birashoboka ko bamwe mu bagabo batamerewe neza mu ngo zabo. N’iyo abagore batagira ibyo babasaba ariko amakuru dufite ni uko abagabo batishimye kuba mu rugo ntacyo bamariye umuryango. Iby’ihohoterwa rikorerwa abagabo si ikintu cyoroshye kuko burya ibibabaho bidakunze gushyirwa ahagaragara kuko bibatera isoni ko bakwitwa inganzwa. Ibi polisi y’u Rwanda yigeze kubigarukaho igihe kimwe yemeza ko izi neza ko n’abagabo bakorerwa ihohoterwa ariko ababikorerwa ntibatange ibirego. Ibi ndetse bikaba bishobora kuba intandaro y’amakimbirane (abashashatsi bakwemeza) atuma abagabo bakubita, bakomeretsa cyangwa bakica abagore.

Ibyo bikaba bishobora kuba abagabo bafungwa bazira bene ibyo byaha. Umugore akigira akaraha kajya he, nguwo mu tubari, nguwo mu guca inyuma umugabo we bagahora muri rwaserera, abaturanyi n’inzego z’ibanze bakabimenya ariko umugore yakwihutira kurega no gutabaza bikarangira umugabo awugiyemo, umuryango ukaba urazimye, gutandukana bikaba, abana bakangara, imitungo bombi cyangwa umwe yaruhiye ikaba imfabusa.

Iki kibazo kirakomeye kandi kiragoye kuko ibyo byaha bikorwa bishingiye ku mibanire mibi y’abashakanye bikunze gukorerwa mu ngo mu ibanga ha handi utamenya nyirabayazana. Umugore umukoraho nk’umugabo ushaka gutera akabariro akakwigarama ku mpamvu utamenya. Zaba zo cyangwa zitaba zo, ugakomba intoki ukaruca ukarumira.

Iki kintu kigoye kuko n’iyo umugabo yatanga ikirego atapfa kubona ikimenyetso. Kwishyira ku karubanda nabyo ugasanga biragoye gutyo akaruca akarumura agapfira ” muri nyagasani” akaba umugabo mbwa iwe kandi abandi babona ko akomeye. Akabyuka yambaye kositimu akatsa imodoka aho ageze ngo shefu araje naho iwawe nta bushefu buhari. Ku rundi ruhande nabwo ugasanga abagore utabakoraho buri gihe uko wishakiye kuko hari igihe aba ananiwe kubera ibyo yiriwemo, arwaye n’izindi mpamvu.

Aha ibyo guhura k’umugore n’umugabo bikaba bigoye kubitangaho inama. Ikidashidikanywaho ni uko iyo byazambye mu buriri umugore yanze kurebera umugabo bishobora gutera imirwano muri icyo gihe. Byumvikane neza ntawe ufite uburenganzira bwo gukubita kimwe n’uko ntawe ufite uburenganzira bwo guhohotera mugenzi we, amwima ibyatumye bahuzwa nk’umugore n’umugabo nta mpamvu.

Abahanga mu buzima bw’imyororokere bemeza ko mu bintu umugabo akunda mu buzima bwe, gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina biza ku mwanya wa mbere, ibindi bikaza bikurikira.

Inkuru zaranditswe nyinshi ku ihohoterwa rikorerwa abagore ariko iyo witegereje ni gake handikwa ku ihohoterwa rikorerwa kuko ari ikibazo cyamaze kugirwa politiki ku Isi hose no gushaka kuzamura uburinganire (kubera ukuntu mu mateka y’abantu umugore yakandamijwe), kurengera no guharanira uburenganzira bw’hmugore kugira ngo bigabanye ihohoterwa akorerwa n’igitsina gabo.

Muri ubwo buryo ibintu bisa n’aho byahumiye ku mirari habaho kurengera bityo icyitwa umugabo n’inshingano ze bisa n’ibyibagiranye kugeza ubwo abarengera uburenganzira bw’abagore bahengama aho kubona mu buryo rusange ikibazo cy’umuryango ahubwo bakakirebera mu ruhande rumwe biyibagije urundi.

Umwanditsi Yvon Dallaire mu gitabo cye yise “La violence Faite aux Hommes, une Réalite Tabou et Complexte”, Ihohoterwa rikorerwa abagabo, ukuri kutavugwaho kandi gukomeye; ugenekereje mu Kinyarwanda, yavuye imuzi iki kibazo yerekana uburyo abagabo bahohoterwa n’uko iryo hohoterwa rititabwaho no kutarengerwa kw’abagabo. Atangira avuga ko abaharanira kurengera uburenganzira bw’abagore “féministes” barebesheje iki kibazo ijisho rimwe ku bagore irindi rireba abagabo bararihuma.

Akomeza avuga ko ikibazo bagombaga kukirebera mu mpu zombi kandi bakareka kukigira politiki kuko ibisubizo by’ikibazo kibazo bitari politiki ahubwo ko biri mu rwego rw’imibereho myiza y’abantu n’ubukungu bwabo “solutions socio- économiques”.

Tugendeye kuri ibyo, mu gihe tugezemo n’iterambere rihari, amaso yombi agomba gufungurwa abareba iki kibazo ntibagire iryo bahumya barengera igice kimwe cy’abagize umuryango. Uko harwanywa ihohoterwa ku bagore bikaba cyo kimwe uko n’abagabo bahohoterwa. Umugore ntiyumve ko agomba guhora ateze amaboko ku mugabo we, ahubwo agakura amaboko mu mpuzu, bombi bagafatanya mu gutunga umuryango aho kwisunga imigenzo ya kera yo guhora arangamiye umugabo. Ibi nibigerwaho bizagabanya amakimbirane yo mu ngo kandi n’abagabo batinyuke bamenyeshe ababishinzwe ibirebana n’ihohoterwa ribakorerwa.

Muri iki gihe cya Conora abagore nibihanganire abagabo kuko ibintu hose ku Isi byazambye, bakaba ntaho bakura ibituma ubuzima buba nk’uko byari bimeze mbere. Iki ni igihe cyo gukomezanya mu bibazo si igihe cyo gushwana nk’aho umugabo ari we wazanye icyorezo. Ubu igikwire kumenyekana ni uko iki cyorezo kitarobanura, ingo zose zaratewe, ari abakene ari n’abakire. Abashakanye nimukomeze kuguma mu rugo mwubahiriza amabwiriza ya leta kandi mwunze ubumwe mu ngo zanyu kugira ngo kizarangire gisize gukomera hagati yangu, ntawe uhohoteye mugenzi we.